How Often Do Couples Have Sex?

November 29, 2023

4 mins

Every relationship is different, and with that, every couple’s sex life is too. Sexual frequency within a relationship can be an indicator for how a relationship is going, though this may not always be the case. 

Maintaining a healthy sex life is specific to each couple. While some couples may be having sex more than others, this doesn’t necessarily suggest that their relationship is better. Everyone’s individual sex drive plays a role in their relationship, and when it comes to sex, you can’t compare yourself or your relationship to anybody else’s.

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It’s important to remember that there isn’t a specific or “normal” amount of sex you should be having with your partner. 

But, if you aren’t content with the sexual frequency within your relationship there may be some external factors impacting your sex life. And if you’re looking for ways to spice up your time with your partner, we’ve got eight tips that may help!

Factors That Influence Sexual Frequency

Age

Age can affect sexual frequency, with research suggesting that sexual activity tends to decrease with age.

A study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior in 2017 examined data from American adults between 1989 and 2014. It revealed that adults in their 20s had sex approximately 80 times per year, or once every 5 days. In contrast, adults in their 60s had sex about 20 times per year, or once every 18 days. 

Notably, the study identified the largest decline in sexual activity among individuals in their 50s.

As men age, their testosterone levels tend to decline, which is a key hormone responsible for sexual desire. This decline in testosterone can result in a decrease in libido.

For postmenopausal women, there is a significant decrease in estrogen and progesterone levels. These hormonal changes can lead to a decrease in sexual desire and overall sexual function. Menopause can also cause vaginal dryness and thinning of the vaginal tissues due to decreased estrogen levels. This can result in discomfort and pain during sexual intercourse, leading to a decreased desire for sexual activity.

Life stage factors, such as having young children, can also impact sexual frequency. A woman’s hormones may be fluctuating, and she may be experiencing emotional, psychological, and physical changes that can affect her libido. 

Relationship duration

It is common for sexual frequency to decrease over time in long-term relationships. The honeymoon phase of a relationship usually involves higher sexual frequency, but as the relationship progresses, other factors such as familiarity, routine, and busier schedules can come into play and reduce the frequency.

Spice up your relationship by surprising your partner with small gestures, romantic dates or getaways, and expressing appreciation for each other can keep the spark alive. Experimenting with different intimacy techniques, role-playing, or incorporating sex toys can add a sense of adventure and ignite passion in the bedroom.

The key is to prioritize quality time, open-mindedness, and a willingness to explore and connect on deeper levels to keep the relationship fresh and exciting. 

Personal preferences and libido

Each individual has their own personal preferences, libido level, and sexual desires. If there is a discrepancy in the sexual desires of partners, it can affect sexual frequency. Talk to your partner if you feel a disconnect with your sex drives to try to find a solution that can please you both. 

External stressors

High levels of stress, work-related pressures, and other life responsibilities can negatively impact sexual frequency. When partners are stressed or overwhelmed, they may have less energy or desire for sex.

Sometimes it can be difficult to let go of the stressors of life to find time to be intimate with your partner. And if it’s been a while since you’ve connected, you may be having some trouble getting back into the groove of things. 

Be sure to reassure each other of your desires for each other so that you can feel sexy again in the bedroom and destress. Don’t let your sex life become another stressor for you!

Are There Advantages to Regular Sexual Activity in a Relationship?

Regular sexual activity in a relationship can offer several advantages. 

It has positive effects on physical health, such as increasing cardiovascular fitness, boosting the immune system, lowering blood pressure, and releasing endorphins that can alleviate pain. 

It also promotes emotional connection and intimacy between partners. Engaging in sexual activities strengthens feelings of love, affection, and closeness. Additionally, regular sexual activity reduces stress levels by releasing endorphins, providing a sense of relaxation and well-being. This can serve as a form of stress relief and contribute to a more relaxed and content state. 

Regular sexual activity fosters an intimate and fulfilling bond between you and your partner. It can enhance communication and trust within the relationship, as engaging in sexual activities requires open communication, trust, and consent between partners. Feeling desired and sexually gratified by a partner enhances feelings of attractiveness and self-worth. 

Sexual activity can also promote a healthy hormonal balance, as it increases the production of oxytocin, the hormone associated with love, trust, and attachment.

Tips for Regulating Sexual Frequency

When dealing with a lack of sex in a relationship, it's important to approach the issue with open communication, empathy, and understanding. Here are some tips to help address and overcome a lack of sex.

Tip 1. Communicate openly

Start by having an open and honest conversation with your partner about your feelings and desires. Discuss your concerns, frustrations, and the importance of sexual intimacy in the relationship. Listen actively to your partner's perspective as well.

Tip 2. Seek underlying causes

Explore any underlying causes for the lack of sex. It could be stress, exhaustion, medication side effects, hormonal imbalances, unresolved conflicts, or emotional issues. Identifying these factors can help find potential solutions.

Tip 3. Prioritize quality time together

Carve out dedicated quality time together to foster emotional and physical connection. Engaging in activities you both enjoy and that promote intimacy can help reignite the desire for sex. When you show interest in the things your partner is interested it in can grow your connection and make your partner feel wanted. These feelings can then translate in the bedroom.

Tip 4. Explore non-sexual intimacy

Physical intimacy doesn't always have to lead to sex. Focus on non-sexual forms of intimacy, such as cuddling, holding hands, kissing, or giving massages. These activities can help rebuild and maintain emotional closeness.

Tip 5. Manage stress

Find ways to manage stress collectively and individually. This could include practicing relaxation techniques, engaging in self-care activities, or seeking support from a therapist or counselor.

Tip 6. Maintain a healthy lifestyle

Prioritize self-care, exercise regularly, eat a balanced diet, and ensure adequate sleep. Taking care of your physical and mental health can positively impact your sexual desire and overall well-being.

Tip 7. Experiment and try new things

Explore new ways to spice up your sexual life. Communicate openly about your fantasies, desires, and fantasies. Trying new activities or introducing novelty into the bedroom can help reignite the spark.

Tip 8. Seek professional help if needed

If the issue persists or is causing significant distress, consider seeking the help of a therapist or sex therapist. They can provide guidance, identify underlying issues, and offer strategies to overcome the lack of sex.

How Rex MD Can Help

Intimacy isn't solely about sexual activity. Building a friendship, trust, and love can help you find a special connection that can lead to sex. It’s important to remember that good sex with the right person is better than a lot of not great sex, so try not to put a number on it. 

If you’re looking for an extra push to get things going in the bedroom, Rex MD can help. We offer affordable ED medications like Viagra® and Cialis® to men. After a free online consultation, a board-certified U.S. clinician can recommend and prescribe the best options for you. Get started today.